About "Jimmy Christ"

"James The Just" just never "Jimbo"

Jimmy Christ is my parody account on twitter, (@Jimmy_Christ). Like most, if not all the people in the Bible, Jimmy is a fictional character. He is based on Jesus's brother James, perhaps better known by his saintly moniker, "James the Just." It is interesting to consider that Jesus had a brother. In fact, the Bible tells us that he had four brothers, James, Joses, Judas, ans Simon. Jesus also had sisters, but since women were mostly considered chattel at the time these stories were written, it is unknown how many he had, or even what their names were. Jimmy will sometimes refer to them as, "You know who," and "What's her face."

In my characterization of James, which is as accurate or inaccurate as any other, I find him to be slightly jealous of his more famous sibling. It's not easy for him to exist in the shadow of his brother, who is after all, God reincarnated. I mean, if we were to believe the Bible, God created men and women, then gave them original sin as punishment for eating a piece of fruit, then he impregnates a woman with himself so he can be born a man. Then once he has given himself the gift of life, he sacrifices himself, to himself to save mankind from the original sin he originally gave them. Let's face it folks, it's a back story that's hard to beat.

Jimmy does his best to level the playing field by posting embarrassing facts and pictures of Jesus on twitter. Often referring to him as "Mom's dirty little secret," he likes to point out that, "It's a little creepy to consider that my brother was inside my Mom before my Dad was." Jimmy has also taken advantage of social media to make such things known as,"While my brother would later be able to turn water into wine, as a child, Jesus was never able to hide the fact that he was a chronic bed wetter."

Jimmy let's us know that his brother has made frequent return visits to Earth

Jimmy lives in West Heaven in a Cul-de-sac. In fact, all the streets in Heaven are Cul-de-sacs because God's city planners used circular reasoning when they intelligently designed it's layout. Given this infinitely regressed street plan, Heaven can be a bit tedious to navigate. As a result, Jimmy spends most of eternity on his own Cul-de-sac, throwing parties and BBQ's for his neighbors.

Jimmy is not particularly fond of some of his neighbors. His least favorite are Zeus ans Odin, who share the home next door to his right. It's not that he is bothered by their alternative life style, or all of the "Thunder clapping and lightning bolt tossing that goes on until the wee hours of the morning." Jimmy, it seems, is considerably annoyed by Zeus's inexorable habit of calling him "Jimbo."

Eight legs of Easter Bunny stomping fury

However, Jimmy has found that he really likes his new neighbor, an English writer by the name of Christopher Hitchens. "Hitch," as Jimmy likes to call him, has taken up residence in the home immediately to his left. The house was formerly occupied by the Easter Bunny, who moved out because he was tired of being trampled by Odin's eight legged Sleipnir. Hitch spends most of his time writing scathingly disputatious letters to the editor of "The West Heaven Gazette." Jimmy has remarked that, "if I didn't know any better, I'd swear that Hitch doesn't believe in a single thing about the place."

Hitch, right at home in Heaven

Despite his sibling rivalry with Jesus, and his inability to love some of his neighbors, Jimmy is an easy going fellow who spends most of his eternal glory playing X-Box and lazing with his dog, Dawkins. He also enjoys long conversations with Hitch on his deck which has a commanding view of both the Earth and a giant spinning tea pot. One of their favorite pastimes is a drinking game where they have to take a shot of bourbon every time they see the Flying Spaghetti Monster whiz by. Hitch does have one habit that Jimmy finds disturbing. I t seems that every time the Vatican is directly below, Hitch will urinate on it from his deck.

I must say that I am slightly envious of Jimmy's time line. While as he puts it, "Unlike my brother Jesus, I follow back," he tends invariably to follow mostly atheists and people who are interested in science. If you are a follower I hope you enjoy his divinely inspired tweets. Just like the Bible stories they are all make believe, yet conversely, they are all for fun.

Sapere aude, and may Zeus preserve you! 
Oh, and may Odin's eight legged Sleipnir never trample you!